Multi focus in relationship

When relationship comes to a stage its focus changes. Though initially it was multi focused with so many different elements and aspects that strengthen this relationship , now it has become much more single focused. Often this focus will be what both parties desire most from this relationship (atleast it may appears so) and from then the relationship drives to fulfill this particular need /focus

But then what happens when the relationship starts its journey by keeping this one particular focus in mind? Imagine a green lush tree and let us take the trunk of this tree as a relationship between two people. It has established its roots in the soil and has started growing slowly..This lush green tree is growing and glowing with so many lush branches. Isn’t it these lush branches that give identity and strength to the trunk of this tree?, Together with all these branches the tree rejoices when small breeze caresses its leaves. Now imagine one branch decided to grow by itself. It just has become one tall branch going up and up. No longer can the other branches reach it. It has become more open to sun, wind and rain and there are no other branches around it to support it. Thus it has become much more prone to dangers such as strong wind or lightening, which may affect the existence of the whole tree one day.

It seems most relationship fails once it loses its multi focus. Is it not better to be a trunk of a nice lush green tree where all the branches are equally maintained and taken care of? It is easier to be single focused in a relationship, but like anything else it requires ongoing effort and hard work to maintain a relationship where all branches grow strongly and in balance and thus support and strengthen the relationship and people around it.

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5 Friends, 5 life implications

Once up on a time ,

5 Friends,  5 life implications and lessons I  learned :):)

1.    Dictionary friend : This friend taught me that words don’t mean  exactly what they do  in the dictionary.. Often my own interpretation and the way I see things  , can give much more unnecessary meaning to the words that is been spoken ,thus may  give me a picture far from reality  (and I was a fool  🙂 )

2.     Fevicol glue friend : This friend proved that , no matter how strong the bond is , if there is no effort in maintaining the bond, even this Fevicol bond may loose strength at some stage..( and I was in pretence )

3.  Smarty Pant friend : This friend established the universal fact that there is no point in keeping a friendship by continuing to compromise  on my part. By compromising too much I am allowing my friend to take advantage of me and thus he /she  may never realize  my actual worth…( and  I was in denial  🙂 )

4.     Ocean friend: This friend revealed that some friendships can be too deep and meaningful, like an ocean with full of hidden treasures, though it doesn’t look like this on a daily basis. We may only realize the true meaning this friend bore in our lives only once we lose this person..( and I  made a mistake 😦  )

5.   Mystery  friend: This friend confirmed that  the best way to keep a friendship is by looking at how this friend treats you and value you . It may not be a great idea to look at how this friend treat others and compare that  to see where my position is, in his / her  life. By doing so , I may bring sorrow  ( and I suffered  😦 )

“Like a flowing river “……..

Still the life continues so does the lesson ..:)

Relationship

 Relationships have always puzzled  me.  Most often I see them as  a form relationof control. One person tries to control the other person and tries  to mold him /her to meet his /her own needs. It is a constant battle. The expectations are endless and no one wins .

Long ago  I read that by themselves man and woman are only half a circle. They constantly seek each  other  to become a full circle. But it seems instead of becoming a perfect full  circle often people try to suck  each  other  in to his/her own half circle to fulfill his/her unmet needs and when two people do the same a battle begins and it continues.

Why it is soo difficult to accept the other person as she  or he is…Why do we expect and demand  that the other person  should be molded to meet our own needs ..Why  is  it that  our needs are endless.. I don’t know

Every time  when I experience a relationship, it makes me more conscious of my own  unfulfilled needs and the  desperate desire to fulfill my own needs and my conscious and unconscious battle to mold the other person in my own way to full fill this  . The  me within this selfish me  questions my soul and I  can see that I haven’t grown at all…

To  become  a contented and peaceful person and thus experience a  contented  and  happy relationship  still remains as a dream. May be it is a mirage. After all humans are self centered creatures and the purpose of  life may be to fulfill one’s own needs..…

who knows…

 P.S
still….നിന്റെ സ്നേഹത്തിൽ നിന്നാണ് ഞാൻ സ്നേഹും എന്താണന്നു അറിയുന്നത് ,ഒപ്പം  ഞാൻ ആരെന്നും എന്തെന്നും  🙂
( still…It is from your love that i know what love is and whom and what  i am )

Universal principle of reflection

My friend told me the other day that we get what we reflect up on ..
If I reflect happiness I get happiness reflected back
If i reflect anger I get anger back
If I reflect love I get love back
If I reflect criticism I become subjected to criticism too
And If I feel ashamed of having someone , Someone else will feel ashamed of having me too 😊
And since I don’t know what to call this principle let me call it as “the universal principle of reflection” .. 😊
.. And don’t forget that we all are subjected to this universal principle of reflection 😊
Still I won’t say that we should reflect carefully … Reflect what u like but just be cautious that it will be reflected back one or the other way .. But  life moves on ..:)

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Best time of my life..

Few weeks ago one of my friends from university degree days made a post. It was a photo of avalosu podi. (fried rice powder, a staple food). When she got it from her neighbor she thought about our degree hostel days and all seven of us who were part of a strong gang and the way we used to eat it. Under that post another gang mate commented it as the best time of our lives and said “ didn’t know it then”

So it seems most often we associate the best time of our lives as something that happened in the past.. As soon as the question “the best time of my life ‘popped up, my memory too went back to this college time.I should admit that it was a fabulous time with no responsibility as such but tons of great friendship, pure enjoyment and mischievousness.. A time when nothing else mattered much….

But then, how about “today”…the present day, this moment I have right now? By not seeing the precious present and what it offers today , am I heading towards another time in my life may be 20 yrs from now, just to say that 2013 was the best time in my life, but didn’t know it then?…

Kurt Vonnegut — says

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” .

So let me pretend too….like a dear friend of mine who always joyously announces he just had a deluxe dinner when in reality it is just some rice with a simple tomato salad and little meat that he prepares.

And Let us be aware of our choice to see today as the best time in our lives like a friend who says the best time of his life is every day, when it brings him lots of smiles and laughter, from simple things..

And let me pretend and say today is the best day in my life..

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Love and me

While reading recently I came across a quote..it said” love is the sacrifice of will” and I didn’t understand. My friend tried his level best to explain, even by comparing will with ego. Still I didn’t understand. It seems somehow my brain is refusing to register the combination of three words i.e love+ sacrifice+ will…

Understanding and practicing love has always been difficult for me. Initially the concept was” you love me and I love you” as if it is a barter system…you give me something, then I give u something back, you give me 1 kg love and I give you 1 kg back: a fair deal then when I started feeling silly about this practice the search got expanded. Thus I came across the amazing words of Osho that ‘love: not a relationship but a state of being’, only to realize that Osho is Osho and this is just poor me . Then came up on to the brain boosting words. it said …pure love is un conditional acceptance with no expectations…only to prove to myself that this sentence is best to read, quote and advise, but not at all easy to practice .

A small face book group where I am an active member used to be a stage on heated debate on love. Every time the conclusion was expectation, i.e it is the expectation from each other that makes love difficult or painful and pure love is unconditional with no expectation. Also all agreed that unless you love yourself unconditionally u can’t love anyone else unconditionally. Well has it changed my practice? A fair statement would be that it has changed my thinking but a list of failed attempts is all that I can claim so far

Still a few questions remain….Why it is so difficult to practice love with no expectation? Why it is so difficult to love un conditionally? What would be the feeling of love beyond infatuation, lust, expectation and judgments? And can you just imagine a true intimacy with someone at the level of your soul where pure love is all u have…

Rumi is at his best when he says this..

“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.”

And let my journey continues

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