The other day, my friend’s question echoed in my ear, she said “I am also a human being. Though I try to cope with the situation as much I can, is it not my right to feel, cared and loved at times? She asked me this question while I was having a conversation with her about the kind of marital relationship she was experiencing. Considering she was not the first person who asked me this. ,I thought I invented an equation i.e. expectation + desire to control = miserable relationship. As we all have our own idea regarding expectation and control, not getting into an elaborated statement on this. However, What made me more sad was the effect of unrealistic expectation and control, which are slowly melting away the one life they have, the beautiful days which they keep losing from their lives, which otherwise would have been precious days with joyous memories. But I should still say that my friends are one of few, who are trying to cling to the little positivity that arises from the relationship, appreciating the little efforts that come from their partners, yet getting desperate at times with hopelessness and despair.
Now, while reflecting back to the conversation I had with my friends, I am admitting that there was nothing much I could tell them. They were not talking to me to get a page full of advises and action plans. They are intelligent women who understand exactly what they are doing. So on many moments I felt a desperate helplessness and just didn’t know what to say. On many moments I felt anger and wished for a magic wand that I could use to make the situation right in a flash.. I can see the importance of both partners sitting together to work out the situation . Often the reality is that it is the woman who keeps on trying and thus ends up nowhere better. But ultimately it is the woman’s ability to cope that keeps the family still together under one umbrella.
Having all these in mind, I thought, may be the only answer that I have for them is the most truthful fact. The truth of impermanence.. Everything changes. Nothing stays the same. This situation too shall change; this too shall pass, though I don’t know when and how.
Since mother’s day is on this Sunday let us remember the women in our homes and depth of the meaning this day