Love and me

While reading recently I came across a quote..it said” love is the sacrifice of will” and I didn’t understand. My friend tried his level best to explain, even by comparing will with ego. Still I didn’t understand. It seems somehow my brain is refusing to register the combination of three words i.e love+ sacrifice+ will…

Understanding and practicing love has always been difficult for me. Initially the concept was” you love me and I love you” as if it is a barter system…you give me something, then I give u something back, you give me 1 kg love and I give you 1 kg back: a fair deal then when I started feeling silly about this practice the search got expanded. Thus I came across the amazing words of Osho that ‘love: not a relationship but a state of being’, only to realize that Osho is Osho and this is just poor me . Then came up on to the brain boosting words. it said …pure love is un conditional acceptance with no expectations…only to prove to myself that this sentence is best to read, quote and advise, but not at all easy to practice .

A small face book group where I am an active member used to be a stage on heated debate on love. Every time the conclusion was expectation, i.e it is the expectation from each other that makes love difficult or painful and pure love is unconditional with no expectation. Also all agreed that unless you love yourself unconditionally u can’t love anyone else unconditionally. Well has it changed my practice? A fair statement would be that it has changed my thinking but a list of failed attempts is all that I can claim so far

Still a few questions remain….Why it is so difficult to practice love with no expectation? Why it is so difficult to love un conditionally? What would be the feeling of love beyond infatuation, lust, expectation and judgments? And can you just imagine a true intimacy with someone at the level of your soul where pure love is all u have…

Rumi is at his best when he says this..

“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.”

And let my journey continues

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Three truths

Three truths that I tried to teach my child, but failed miserably..!

Three things happened..

1. That evening we saw the world news and pictures of Boston bombing…my child was particularly saddened on the death of the 8 yr old boy. She wanted to know more about the attack.

2. I read my friend’s comment about the Delhi incident of five yr old girl. She said she was soo angry and upset more or so that she had two little girls of her own. She said she was scared to settle in India.

3. I was checking a face book status update by someone and my child saw the word feminist and she asked me what does the word ‘ feminist’ mean?

After some contemplation I thought it was time to tell my child three universal facts (at least according to my perception). So we went for a walk and I explained the following:

People hurt each other over religion and ideology. Most often the ideas come from their own religious beliefs.. But philosophy behind each religion is amazing. There is no religion better than other, each is a good path to find God. So it is better to find the goodness in each religion and try to find our own path to God.

People hurt each other and it is not a right thing to do, still this world is beautiful. Both India and Australia are nice places to live. Good and bad are like two sides of a coin…when so much goodness happens in this world, so much bad things happen too..Due to media propagating more bad things than good we often hear bad things and this frustrates us and makes us very sad.

Women and men are just only half circles by themselves and they need each other in many forms , be as a friend, be as husband/wife, be as an admirer ,be as a lover, or even be as someone to fight with…. But still, when women raise their voice and form their own opinion on something, demand their right, men don’t like it much, thus call her names and one is feminist..

After listening to my monologue carefully she said

“Amma..i am just not getting what u are saying… if all religions are good , then why we go to church.?… If both, India and Australia are good places to live, then why we are living here?..if there is no feminist, then why do men still call some women feminists

Well…what to say..

Rip off

Few weeks ago ,one morning, I found my colleague; usually a very cheerful lady looked so worried and upset. Then she shared what happened to her daughter of 20 yr old , when she went to buy a basic car worth of $10000. The dealer was successful enough to sell her a lot more unnecessary warranty and insurances worth of $ 5500, made the final loan amount to a $15500. It was purely because she appeared to be a less informed and inexperienced customer. This in fact took my memory to an incident around 10 yrs ago, when I bought my car. It was in the early days here in Australia and naturally I was overjoyed to see this INDIAN accountant at the dealer’s. How little did I realize that the money I would lose in next three yr period as he was clever enough to sell me at least three different set of unnecessary insurances and warranty, which all added up to a high interested loan.

Now the story goes to a fish curry . Last year during vacation we went to a good restaurant in Kerala and paid Rs 400 for a single awfully looking and tasting fish curry, and realized the next day that the actual cost was only Rs 80 ..

It seems, the petty ordinary rip off, like my fish curry and other small things are just part and parcel of life..So it is better to accept it . But the second, most likely around when we buy a car, a house, or in a business partnership is very hard to accept. Though I rolled my eyes when I heard a friend of ours went to do a “how to build a house” course before decided to approach a builder to build his own house, now I think I completely understand him ..

But Until I started working for elderly people I never realized this deeply that the biggest rip off can come from our own children. My poor lady of 72 was ripped off by her own son, who sold all her properties by promising her that he would look after her , only to change his mind in few years later and now she is living alone in a government supported accommodation. Considering that, this is not a single case, both here as well as in “Gods Own Country”. the first two rip offs sound more bearable.

Plato said Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion and knowledge. Our desire for money, or desire for a good life even at the sake of another person’s life…where it ends …is it worthy enough to live ? ..

This too pass

The other day, my friend’s question echoed in my ear, she said “I am also a human being. Though I try to cope with the situation as much I can, is it not my right to feel, cared and loved at times? She asked me this question while I was having a conversation with her about the kind of marital relationship she was experiencing. Considering she was not the first person who asked me this. ,I thought I invented an equation i.e. expectation + desire to control = miserable relationship. As we all have our own idea regarding expectation and control, not getting into an elaborated statement on this. However, What made me more sad was the effect of unrealistic expectation and control, which are slowly melting away the one life they have, the beautiful days which they keep losing from their lives, which otherwise would have been precious days with joyous memories. But I should still say that my friends are one of few, who are trying to cling to the little positivity that arises from the relationship, appreciating the little efforts that come from their partners, yet getting desperate at times with hopelessness and despair.

Now, while reflecting back to the conversation I had with my friends, I am admitting that there was nothing much I could tell them. They were not talking to me to get a page full of advises and action plans. They are intelligent women who understand exactly what they are doing. So on many moments I felt a desperate helplessness and just didn’t know what to say. On many moments I felt anger and wished for a magic wand that I could use to make the situation right in a flash.. I can see the importance of both partners sitting together to work out the situation . Often the reality is that it is the woman who keeps on trying and thus ends up nowhere better. But ultimately it is the woman’s ability to cope that keeps the family still together under one umbrella.

Having all these in mind, I thought, may be the only answer that I have for them is the most truthful fact. The truth of impermanence.. Everything changes. Nothing stays the same. This situation too shall change; this too shall pass, though I don’t know when and how.

Since mother’s day is on this Sunday let us remember the women in our homes and depth of the meaning this day